I’ve not blogged for a while. I’ve been firefighting.
You see, while I’ve tried to put my best game face on, I’ve been experiencing the oh so familiar experience of boom and bust that comes with not quite managing my ME symptoms properly.
And it’s all down to habit. My old habit of doing as much as I can as soon as I can is a hard habit to break.
It means on a good day, or a good morning, or a good hour I’ve been doing doing doing.
And then I crash.
Sometimes I crash for the day. Sometimes for a few days. Sometimes for a week or more.
Then just as I begin to feel a little bit human again I convince myself I’m ‘better’ and the boom and bust cycle begins over.
I sat down and talked this habit through with somebody the other day. I found talking about my habits, instincts and routines aloud to a stranger really helpful. I found myself noticing things about my actions that I hadn’t properly registered.
You see, I do know it. I know this boom and bust is a fool’s errand. I know trying to be “old me” while I’m living with ME is plain stupid. But I forget! And then it’s too late.
So. I’m using this blog as a chance to pause, reflect, share this with you, and – in turn – hopefully learn from it myself.
I’m going back to some basics. Being more careful with managing my limited energy. Listening to my body. Stopping trying to fight it… as I always lose!
I wrote many months ago about the power of saying “no”. The benefit of cancelling things. The realisation that people are usually very understanding!
And now I’ve gone back through some of my very oldest posts and blogs and come to the conclusion there’s merit in going back and reading them all myself. I might do one or two a week on an ongoing cycle.
It could prove wise.
For now, I need to break this boom and bust cycle. It’s no way to live!