I feel like I’ve neglected this blog of late. Why? Well I’ve been trying my absolute best to not let self-inflicted obligations get the better of me.
That said I still get it wrong. I’ve begun building up a selection of freelance work since leaving full time employment. I’m doing some radio presenting, newspaper journalism and private client writing work. I’m loving the variety, but on more than one occasion I’ve hit that boom and bust cycle.
So, right now, I’m going back to basics and prioritising what really matters: looking after me.
Why then am I writing this post if I’m meant to be resting? Well, I’m in the lovely position of ‘wanting’ to write and updating rather than feeling I have to.
I don’t have masses to tell you other than one change to my routine a month or two back that’s made such a massive difference to my life: I’ve started using CBD oil.
It’s the non-hallucinogenic part of the cannabis plant. The bit without the THC stuff which gets you high.
For me, it’s reduced massively the intensity of the pain I experience. At times, the pain brought tears to my eyes and was so debilitating – made worst by being invisible so people still said things like “oh you look so well”.
It’s also reduced the number of incidences of the high pitched ringing I get in my left ear – a cue that I’m fading, and likewise with the foggy/unfocused blur that hits my vision when I’m running out of fuel.
That’s the upside.
The downside is that, to begin with, it lulled me into a false sense of security. Because I felt better than usual I started doing a little more than usual. Instead of two or three half days a week of work it would be two or three full days. Instead of planning for two days of rest after something vaguely energetic, I just ploughed on. You can probably guess the rest.
So, here I am, re-reading some of the blogs I wrote last year and reminding myself of the stuff I’d previously learned but which still hasn’t become habit.
‘Rest days’ are now back in my diary – tomorrow and the day after, since you asked! I’m not feeling guilty about saying no, or cancelling, or putting off tasks for a little longer. And that, in turn, is helping me feel more relaxed about my circumstances.
ME sucks. But being reminded of the need to focus on my self-care means it sucks a bit less!